


The Kiss Of Death

by Trashforstuckyandgot



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Assets & Handlers, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes Returns, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Character Death, Depression, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Implied/Referenced Sex, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love, M/M, One Shot, POV Bucky Barnes, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Sad Ending, Steve Rogers Feels, Suicide, Top Steve Rogers, Tragic Romance, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 12:32:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16387793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trashforstuckyandgot/pseuds/Trashforstuckyandgot
Summary: Bucky came back from hydra but his head was still a mess. Some messes can't be fixed, no matter how hard you try.He is still the asset in his head, it was all he ever knew.Steve's trying his best, but sometimes the best just isn't enough.Sometimes these things just happen,there's too much doubt.This is a very Romeo/Juliet-esque story with the theme of a tragic love that could never be.





	The Kiss Of Death

**Author's Note:**

> two stories posted in one day? Aren't I on a roll? Well this one is quite a bit longer than my previous one and it's also more morbid and tragic in it's way. You will notice that I sometimes use similar lines in several of my fanfics. ''Ocean eyes'' is a recurring theme, and so is bending a few lines in songs and putting them into dialogue, thoughts, etc. 
> 
> Please comment what you think, it'd mean the world to me, since i'm new at this whole thing. :)  
> like, comment, do whatever you please-- <3 
> 
> PS: I haven't edited this but as with my other work, I will-- when I have time.

‘’Buck, you gotta’ get up. Please get up.’’ The beautiful man in the bed did not rise, he continued staring out the window, blankly and as if he was in a trance.  
‘’Please, Buck.’’ Steve said in a voice as soft as saharan sand, mingled with desperation and sadness. The man turned around to look at Steve, his friend. His lover at some point, if the man himself was to be believed. The man was comely, tall and blonde and handsome, with his eyes as blue as the caspian sea. His plump, pink lips were in a pout and his chiseled face with the aquiline nose stared at the asset, assesing him. There were tears in the man’s eyes though, shining like little crystals. _You shouldn’t weep for me,_ the asset thought. _The gods know that no one else ever did._

It had been two months since both Hydra, Shield and the monster they’d formed together, was destroyed. One week since the captain, Steve, the man he’d been assigned to kill, his mission, found him. In some strange form of recognition, the asset had pulled his old friend out of the water, instead of finishing his mission, two months ago. The captain must have mistaken that for weakness, and found it in him to search, vehemently for the man that he’d once proudly proclaimed as his best friend. The asset had been ambushed by the captain, swayed by his honeyed words and followed him willingly.

The asset was thusly taken to the captain’s apartment. It was a big open space, with no confinements. The asset had known constraints and closed, confined spaces for so long, that the thought of this big, wide open space, filled with light had frightened him. Darkness was his friend, darkness cared for him in a way the light could never. He found peace in the darkness, where so many found fear. He’d refused food and had just laid in the captain’s bed that smelled of old spice, comfort, sweat and regret. He found peace in these silky sheets.

The captain had often just laid there with him, hugging him as if he was not sure if it was real life or some cruel simulation. The asset hadn’t minded the captain’s warm touches, the way he’d hug the asset as if he was the only thing in the world and was scared of losing him.  
‘’I’ve only truly felt religion when i’ve lied with you, Buck’. The captain had said once as they’d lied in bed.  
‘’I’ll never be forgiven until their souls are too.’’ Bucky had responded gruffly yet quietly. The captain had tried to make the asset be productive and rise out of bed, but to no avail. The asset was comfortable and would not leave his self-made confinement. His nest, of sorts. The captain had just sighed and got on with the business of the day, though always returning between short intervals to make sure that the asset was okay.

Sometimes during the cold Brooklyn nights, the captain would cuddle closer to the asset and nuzzle his face in the asset’s neck. Sometimes, dreary and bleary eyed with sleep, he’d let little comments slip.  
‘’Oh, Buck. You used to love it when I did this.’’ The asset did not know what he was talking about, but he didn’t want him to stop hugging and nuzzling him. Sometimes, the captain would be bolder though, sometimes he’d press his lightly clad body against the asset and kiss his neck, murmuring of how he loved the asset so much. The asset remembers this because he can’t sleep for very long periods of time. Mostly he just lies awake and tries to soothe the rumbling of his mind, which was like a battery that wouldn’t turn off.

 

The asset wanted to please the captain, so he did not protest his touches. The captain was in need of comfort, and the asset was what the captain found comforting, though the asset himself could not fathom why. It’s not like he was lovely company. But sometimes the captain would get all sad and weepy.  
‘’Bucky. My Bucky, where’d you go?’’ He’d ask with glassy eyes.  
‘’’Cause I can’t find you in this body that’s sleeping next to me.’’ He’d continue.

The next few weeks consisted of mostly the same routine. Though once every fourth day, the captain would kindly force the asset to take a shower. The asset would quietly stand under the water, he was not accustomed to showers that didn’t consist of ice cold water being sprayed onto him with a hose and then some disinfectant spritzed onto him that burned his skin. The first time that the captain forced the asset to take a shower, he came back an hour later to find the asset staring blankly at the white tiles, in the same position he was left.  
‘’Did you even shower, Buck?’’ The captain had softly asked.  
‘’I don’t know how to, sir.’’ The asset had whispered out. The captain then took off his blue shirt and khaki colored pants and walked into the shower where the asset was standing, naked and exposed.

The captain had softly grabbed a bottle of soap for your hair, and massaged the gel into the asset’s hair. It felt good, and the asset suspected that the captain kept massaging it in, to please the asset. That small kindness made the asset feel warm inside. He thought he was malfunctioning at first. Then the captain grabbed a loofah, poured some body soap on it that had smelled of coconut and begun massaging it all over the asset’s body, in slow strokes. The asset had not known what it felt like to be cared for, for so long and it had made him confused, he’d begun to care for this man, more than he’d ever cared for anyone. The captain had stood behind him, so close that he could feel the warmth of his chest, pressing against his back. Then the captain moved the loofah and started washing the asset’s legs, and then moved upwards, to his inner thighs. The asset had sighed and lost control for a moment, leaning his head backwards, into the crook of the captain’s neck. The captain had leaned his head down and had begun kissing the asset’s neck, softly. It had made the asset feel things he did not know possible. It had scared him, though he remained his composure. He had to show no emotion, for it was against his coding. They’d made sure of that.

‘’I love you, Buck.’’ The captain had whispered to him. During that first, faithful shower. Though the asset had learned to shower and wash properly after that, the asset had always had the tiny sliver of hope, that the captain would waltz into the shower and do what he’d done the very first time. Other than that, the asset had mainly been lying in bed, reading the captain’s books. The captain hadn’t minded, but still kindly forced the asset to take short walks with him. The asset had remained his skills with knives and impressive physique by doing various at-home exercises. Once, the knife he threw had missed the captain by mere inches. The asset promised himself he would never do the knife exercises when the captain was in the room, after that.

Still a sadness plagued the asset’s heart. There was no more missions for him to comply to. He was not sure what to do, he’d desperately tried to read the captain’s books on integrating into society, about becoming a normal, functioning human. Nothing worked though, it was as if he was a machine, designed for one and only one purpose; to kill. His feelings for the captain were warm and deep, like a cozy sunset but they didn’t cover the darkness of his heart, the mechanic workings of his brain. He would never be able to be the same, he would never be what the captain once had. The captain talked about his ‘Bucky’ often, their little escapades and rendezvous but nothing was familiar to the asset, it was a person he’d been but that person died when he fell of the train. Nothing would ever bring him back. He had no purpose anymore, a waste of matter, only bringing death and destruction wherever he walked. He was the angel of death, and they don’t belong upon the earth.

He wept, for he knew what needed to happen. He wept, for he knew what he must do. Then he dried his tears because the captain walked into the room. If his teardrops could be bottled, there’d be an entire pool filled by heartbreak.  
‘’Hey, Buck. You hungry? I’m making your favorite. Spaghetti and meatballs. You were always such a kid.’’ The captain, Steve smiled. It was a beautiful smile, he was always so beautiful. He was always more beautiful than he was hot, sexy, or whatever the people call exterior beauty these days. He knew that Bucky had loved Steve, not for his looks back then, but for the beautiful person he was within. The asset realised that he loved this Steve too. But not in the way that Steve deserved to be loved. No, this was a monstrous love, that would only hurt and maim and burn you in the end, a scorching, consuming, wicked love that would bring death upon everything it touched. Oh, how it is wicked to love and be loved.

The asset only smiled and walked up to Steve. He pushed away a blonde lock of hair, so he could see those beautiful ocean eyes. He stared into them for what seemed like forever. He saw all that could have been in them, all that could have passed but would never come to be. He then focused on Steve’s beautiful lips and kissed them. Steve seemed surprised at first but recoiled from it quickly and begun kissing the asset back. The asset kissed Steve slowly, savoring every moment, for he knew what would later come to pass. Though blissfully, Steve didn’t.

Steve took off his shirt and motioned for the asset to raise his arms up, so he’d be able to remove it. The asset dutifully obliged. He then went to unbuckle Steve’s belt and dropped the black jeans to the floor, they were of no use now anyways. Then the asset removed his own grey sweatpants and pushed Steve down to the bed with a new vigor, Steve laughed melodically and it was the sweetest sound that the asset should ever come to hear in his life.  
‘’I love you so bad, Buck. So bad.’’ Steve said, looking into the asset’s eyes sincerely. It almost made the asset get second thoughts. Then he remembered that a life with the asset would be no life at all, it would be a mercy to Steve. Steve would only hurt with the asset in his life. Life with the asset would be no mercy at all. Steve began kissing his neck and the asset forgot all the troubles of the world, for that split of a second. He was in pure bliss and Steve seemed to be too. For that point in time, they’d loved each other, truly and intimately. No love shall ever come close to share what they had.

‘’I’m tired, you should go and check on the food.’’ The asset blurted out as they’d laid in bed, holding each other. He’d tried to sound as normal and inconspicuous as he could. He needed to be alone for the next part. Steve got up, put on his clothes with a teasing smile and the asset felt a brief pang in his chest. A painful feeling. One he thought he was not capable of feeling until he’d once again met this beautiful man, Steve.  
‘’I love you.’’ Steve winked and then walked out of the room.

When Steve had closed the door, Bucky picked up his most beautiful and prized knife.  
‘’I love you too.’’ He’d whispered with tears in his eyes, as he’d fiddled with the point of the blade with his index finger.  
‘’I love you too.’’ He repeated again as tears ran down his cheek. You’re doing this for him, the asset, called Bucky, thought to himself.

He sat down on the bed and turned the blade to his naked chest, more specifically-- just above the heart. He felt the sharp sting of the point of the blade, so sharp that little droplets of scarlet blood, dripped down his chest, like a beautiful crimson painting. His breathing deepened, he was scared for the first time in several decades. He knew what he needed to do, and the asset never swayed from a mission, no matter how hard it may be. No matter who it may hurt.

He pushed the blade in all the way and made a guttural sound, almost like nothing human. He accidentally knocked the blue lamp with corals on it, that Stevie loved so much. He remembered Stevie now. The lamp shattered and broke on the floor, but Bucky didn’t mind, he was lost in remembering. How Stevie used to be so small, so tiny but so fierce and ferocious. He remembered how he’d loved it, but also felt he needed to protect the righteous boy who didn’t know any better. Someone opened the door.

‘’Oh no, no, no. Bucky! No!’’ Steve cried out as he reached Bucky but it was too late. He was drifting into the sweet, comforting and dark arms of death. The angel of death returned to death, the way it was always supposed to be. Stevie pulled the knife out of Bucky’s chest but he barely felt it. Something soft was pressed against Bucky’s naked chest and it turned out to be Stevie’s favorite blue t-shirt.  
‘’No Bucky, we can get through this. You’re strong, please don’t do this to me. Don’t go to sleep Bucky!’’ Steve cried out, tears escaping those ocean eyes.

‘’You’re a survivor Bucky, you survive. Don’t you dare die on me, James Buchanan Barnes! You’ve been a survivor ever since we met each other, you’re so beautiful, come on don’t die! Remember how I had the flu and almost died, you prayed to the Gods to take your own life and give me mine? You were always so selfless.’’ Stevie continued but Bucky barely heard him.  
‘’You promised. You promised, to the end of the line. This isn’t your end, Bucky, this isn’t our end!’’ he ranted hysterically.

‘’Bucky you’re the love of my life, please. This isn’t our end of the line, I promise you.’’ His hands were covered with Bucky’s blood, but as he whispered the words into Bucky’s ear, he removed a lock of chocolate brown hair out of Bucky’s glassy, blue eyes.  
‘’I love you, Stevie. It’s time I go home.’’ Bucky whispered and gave Steve a dry kiss on his lips. It wasn’t a kiss of love. It was a goodbyes kiss. A final goodbye. It was the kiss of death.

‘’You’ve come so far, Buck. Why are you throwing it all away like this? Where’s the man I fell in love with? The one who got me out of my fights? The one who told me he’d be there to the end of the line? You’ve redeemed yourself, the winter soldier wasn’t you! You became what they made you.’’

Bucky’s breathing grew ever slower and ever shallower. He wasn’t going to make it, Steve realised. He realised it and it cut him worse than any knife ever couldwould. It’s like someone had ripped his heart out of his chest and squeezed it until it broke.

‘’Please, i’ll surrender who I’ve been for who you are. Nothing makes me stronger than you. I love you, please. Your ma’ and pa’ wouldn’t have wanted you to go like this. Please stay with me, you’re all I need.’’ Steve was a sobbing mess by this point but Bucky wasn’t looking at him. He saw his sisters, his ma’ and pa’. He saw Death with its hand on their shoulders. Death tentatively reached out, one slender arm to Bucky, beckoning him to come with.

‘’You promise Ii’ll meet Stevie when he goes too?’’ He asked Death. Death nodded but does Death ever make bargains? Steve heard Bucky mumbling something unintelligible, whilst looking at the roof with a longing expression.

‘’That’s what I don’t want you to do, Stevie.’’ Bucky said as he coughed up blood. A single, lone tear running down his cheek.  
‘’You really know how to make me cry, when you give me those ocean eyes.’’ He squeezed Steve’s hand a final time and then he quieted. He closed his eyes and Steve wasn’t ready to let go. Bucky was, though. He took his final breaths, that cold Brooklyn evening, with Steve’s head buried in the crook of his bloody neck. There was blood everywhere. Bucky’s blood.

He called Natasha and she replied.  
‘’What the hell, Steve?’’ She asked.  
‘’I can’t. I can’t go on, Nat. He’s gone.’’ Steve’s voice cracked as he said it.  
‘’Steve, tell me you’re not going to do anything stupid,’’ Nat enquired. Steve hung up. He then sent a text to Tony, Sam and all of the avengers. He’d done his duty. He’d done all he could. A life without Bucky was no life at all. Bucky was the sun and the moon, the darkness in the light and the light in his darkness. The shadow on the wall and a warm midsummer’s night.

He’d already begun going cold, Steve noticed. Then Steve gave Bucky a final kiss, his final kiss. The kiss of death. Bucky’s lips felt cold upon his, but still as soft as they’d been moments ago. But those moments were lost now.  
‘’I love you so bad.’’  
‘’To the end of the line, right? If this is your end then it is also mine. We go as we’ve lived. Together.’’ Steve whispered to the dead body of the beautiful man he’d loved all his life. Then he took the bloody knife, coated with Bucky’s coagulated blood and looked at it. Death is truly horrible and gruesome, yet also morbidly beautiful. He then put on his favorite shirt, the one coated with Bucky’s blood, whispered his final goodbyes and plunged the knife deep into his heart. It hurt but nothing could hurt like Bucky’s death. He laid there, his hand intertwined with Bucky’s dead one. Steve stared blankly at the wall, tears glistening in those ocean eyes of his. They were both men out of time. Just like Zola had told him. It was time they both went back to where they were meant to be, it was only right.

‘’You weren't meant to come so soon,’’ Bucky said as he stared at Stevie.This was the real Bucky, not the damaged shell of a man that he’d been. Death had finally set him free. Free from all his suffering upon this earth. Was living ever anything but suffering? Humans live to die, and die to live.  
‘’We promised each other. To the end of the line.’’ Steve told him, with tears of sadness and joy, as he stared at the two bodies in the bed. It wasn’t them. The real Steve Rogers and James Barnes died in the 40’s. The men laying in the bed had been ghosts of their former selves.

He grabbed Bucky’s hand and together, as they’d lived, they departed this world.


End file.
